A Perfect World
by prplerayne
Summary: Part 2 of 3 in my Mother's Day series. Van gets a phone call from a woman he hasn't heard from in half a decade? What doe she want? What does he want from her?


A Perfect World

A/N This is part 2 of 3 in my Mother's Day series! Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there! Fastlane, Fox and McG. Not mine. Don't sue. Blah, blah, blah.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

I never could of seen this far  
I never could of seen this coming  
It seems like my world is falling apart  
Yeah

Another Mother's Day rolled around. _"Just like any other stupid fucking day."_ Van Ray thought bitterly as he nursed his scotch on the rocks. Why did his mother have to be such a slack ass when all the other mother's were normal? Even Jimmy Owens' mom was normal. Harold Owens had been an associate of Raymond Ray when Van was a child. Jimmy and Van had gone to school together and remained best friends until Van joined the academy. He'd lost touch with Jimmy then, he hoped he was doing well and had a legit job, but Van highly doubted that. Van let his mind drift back to the nights he'd spent the weekend at Jimmy's house and was able to be a normal kid. When Van spent his time there, he didn't have to keep any of Ruth's secrets or do Harold's dirty work for him. He loved how Ruth would always make his favorite meal whenever he came over and then she would play a game with him and Jimmy before reading the boys a story, kissing them good night and tucking them into bed. How Van missed those days.

Why is everything so hard  
I don't think that I can deal with the things you said  
They just won't go away

Just as Van finished his second scotch and started into a reverie about his friend and his mom, his phone rang. He picked the device off the table next to him and looked at the caller I.D. He didn't recognize the number, although Van could see that the area code wasn't from California. Slowly, he answered the phone fearing that it would be his dad calling. Van knew that if he were to talk to him, he'd just lose it. "That would definitely be my worst nightmare." He sighed to himself as he pressed the talk button to find out who was on the other end. "Hello?" he asked calmly. "Van? Hi baby!" Came the overly cheerful, drunken female voice that Van hadn't heard in over 5 years. "Um…" he started, but found himself speechless. In the back of his mind he was hoping that this was just his brain playing jokes on him. "Van, it's mom! How are you sweetie?" Came the voice of Julie Ray.

In a perfect world  
This could never happen  
In a perfect world  
You'd still be here  
And it makes no sense  
I could just pick up the pieces  
But to you this means nothing   
Nothing at all

When Van heard the voice of the woman he hadn't heard from in five years, he was shocked. This is the woman that had given birth to him. Had promised to take care of him, shelter him from the evil in the world, and love him unconditionally. The woman the promised to do all that is the same woman who made his childhood a living hell. "Hi mom. What's up?" Van said, doing his best not to sound bitter, angry and resentful, even though those feelings ran down to his core when it came to his parents. "It's Mother's Day sweetie, I just wanted to call and see how my baby boy is doing. I haven't heard from you in so long!" Julie Ray told her only child. "You never call, write or, come visit me Van. Why is that?" she asked her son, her voice thickly laced with fake emotion. "I would ask you the same thing, but I'm afraid to know the answer." Van bitterly snapped at the woman on the other end of the line. "Why Donovan Ray! How dare you talk to me that way! What did I ever do to you to deserve such hostility? I gave birth to you, wiped your butt, helped you blow your nose and swabbed your vomit when you were a little child." The older woman argued with her son. "I know. You also cheated on dad in my bed when I was six, remember that mom? I do. I walked in on it! And remember the time that time when I was 8? You wanted to go party but didn't have a babysitter for me. What did you do mom? I'll tell you what you did! You left me with one of the neighborhood whores that were turning tricks that night! Do you have any idea of the things I heard her doing? Of the things I heard being done to her? It was horrible! And you left me there! You just left me there so you could get screwed in some seedy hotel by a bartender. I was never important to you!" Van shouted, his anger finally bubbling over. "Van, I know I wasn't a perfect mom, but I did the best I could. Being a parent is hard work and I know I made mistakes, but I had the best of intentions." She explained to her son. When Van heard this explanation, his eyes bugged out of his head as his jaw dropped in shock. Feeling himself get hot under the collar, Van's face turned a deep shade of red as his hand tightened around the drink glass he had, before firmly throwing it against a wall, smashing it with a loud crash that could be heard over the phone.

I used to think that I was strong  
Until the day it all went wrong  
I think I need a miracle to make it through  
Yeah

"The best of intentions? You had the best of intentions! Well, intentions aren't just good enough mom! I had the best of intentions for a case I was working when I asked my boss to meet with a woman for the lead in a porn studio, but do you think she was less pissed because I had 'good intentions'? Hell no mother! Billie was super pissed off! If Deaq hadn't been a witness, I'm sure she would have killed me with her bare hands! Intentions aren't everything mother! You need to have the best of actions and judgment as you can when you're a parent! And you didn't have that! You didn't have that and neither did Dad!" Van continued to holler at her. "Van, I know your childhood wasn't easy and you're angry because of it…" the drunk woman on the phone began to explain before she was abruptly cut off. "No! You don't know! How could you know? You spent all your time getting fucked by all those shiny happy people you met at a bar or club or on the street! It didn't matter for you, who they were or where you met them as long as you got screwed! You were never there for me mom! You didn't care! You've always been so selfish!" Van seethed, getting angrier by the moment.

I wish that I could bring you back  
I wish that I could turn back time  
Cuz I can't let go  
I just can't find my way  
Yeah  
Without you I just can't find my way

"Why the hell did you call me mom? I know it's not just to say hi. You never do that." Van said a bit more calmly as he took his seat again. "Well, to be honest with you…" she began. "To be honest with me; that'll be the day." Van grumbled. "Van, I'm going to turn over a new leaf." Britney told her son. "And pigs will fly, mom." He grumbled under his breath. "What was that?" she asked, getting annoyed that her son was being so rude. "Nothing. Now, what the hell do you want?" Van snapped losing patience. He knew she thought she didn't deserve to be talked to that way. She always thought that she was right and everyone else owed her an apology.

In a perfect world  
This could never happen  
In a perfect world  
You'd still be here  
And it makes no sence  
I could just pick up the pieces  
But to you this means nothing   
Nothing at all

"I got married Van. I would like to bring my husband out to California to see my son." Julie finally stopped beating around the bush and said. "That'll be the day." Van quipped. "Van, he's a very nice man. We got married yesterday on the beach." She continued to explain. "I'm sure his is very nice in your book mom. All a guy needs to have to be considered nice in your book is ten inches and a tolerance for alcohol. The rest of the world calls that trashy, not classy." Van said with a heavy sigh. "Just give him a chance honey. He's a very nice young man. He's a bit younger than me, but he's so mature for his age." Julie told the young cop. _"Here we go."_ Van thought, but instead of saying that, he responded with "Okay, tell me. How old is he?" "Well, see honey, that's what I think you'll like about him. He's just a few months older than you are!" Julie said, trying to keep her voice from slurring as the alcohol fully hit her system, even more. "My age, huh? Well, how did you meet him? How old does he think you are?" Van asked, wondering if this kid was even aware of who he'd married. "Actually, you know him too. He knows how old I really am and it doesn't bother him at all." Came the not totally unexpected drunken reply. "I know him? What, were we in like 5th grade together or something?" Van asked, half joking and hoping she wouldn't say 'yes'. "Van, you remember Jimmy Owens, right?" Came the response Van dreaded most. "No! Jimmy? That little wuss that got the crap beaten out of him for saying pop instead of soda in 8th grade!" Van yelled in shock as his jaw practically fell through the floor and into the room below his. "Jimmy is not a wuss Van! He is a kind, sweet, loving young man that loves me for who I am, not what he wishes I was." The mother tried to explain to her estranged son. "You slut! You've fucked little Jimmy Owens! What would Dad say about that? What would Harold and Ruth think of this? They would be horrified is what they would think! How could you do that to them? How could you do that to me? Jimmy was my friend! That's a line you just don't cross!" Van continued to yell as he paced around the small room of his hotel suite.

I don't know what I should do now  
I don't know where I should go  
I'm still here waiting for you  
I'm lost when your not around  
I need to hold on to you  
I just can't let you go  
Yeah

"Van, I know this is a shock, but you and Jimmy don't even talk anymore." Came the new Mrs. Owens defense. "It doesn't matter mom! That is just a line you don't cross…ever! How could you do this to me? What the hell were you thinking? What the hell are you thinking calling me to tell me this? Did you honestly think I would be okay with it?" the livid cop continued to yell at his mother. "I guess I thought that we are all adults here. I had hoped that maybe, just maybe you would be happy for me, but I guess I was wrong." Came the reply as Julie tried her best to guilt her son into feeling bad for what he'd said to her. "Damn right you were wrong! How the hell could I be happy about you fucking my best friend!" Van hollered at her. "Van, if you just spend some time with us. You could see how right we are for each other. We're going to be in California next week and we'd love to come see you. Jimmy's really changed a lot and I am sure you two would click again. Maybe we might even be able to build new bridges." Julie said as sincerely as she could. "No!" Van snapped. "But Van, we…" she tried to convince him. "No." Van firmly said again. "You know what? I'm done. I'm just done. You've done this my whole life and I'm sick of it! Don't come see me and don't call me! I have a life to live, so let me live it! You've never been a part of my life, so don't think of starting now!" Van yelled, finally losing is patience with his mother. "Oh, Van. You don't mean that." She replied. "Yes, I do. Goodbye Mom." Van said firmly and hung up the phone without even waiting for her to say anything.

In a perfect world  
This could never happen  
In a perfect world  
You'd still be here  
And it makes no sence  
I could just pick up the pieces  
But to you this means nothing   
Nothing at all

As Van sat there and let his anger simmer down, the gravity of the conversation finally hit him. "She's a M.I.L.F. My mother is a M.I.L.F. I don't believe it." He said to himself as he observed the shattered glass on the carpet from across the room. "I guess some things don't change. She was like that when I was a child and now she's like that when I'm a grown up." Van observed. It was sad, the more he thought about it. Van wondered why she couldn't just be a normal parent and lover her kid the way other mom's did. What in her life made her so screwed up that she had this need to always chase the 'next best thing'? Why wasn't he good enough for her. "I have got to stop this." He commented dryly as he looked at the phone, still in his hand. _"It's not healthy"_ he thought. People had told him that on numerous occasions when he mentioned his feelings about either of his parents. Deep down, Van knew they were right. It wasn't healthy and he had to stop this cycle. Feeling guilty about things he couldn't control wasn't doing him any good. Van knew that. "I guess I need to talk to someone that will listen to me and might actually give a damn." He said as he started to dial the number. He knew that this was what he needed to do, she told him that she was willing to listen if he wanted to talk about this. As he finished dialing the number and hit send on his phone, Van got up. He walked into the kitchen as the phone rang twice before she answered. When she did, there was something about her voice that made him feel at ease. Van knew he could talk to her and she would listen. And she cared, he knew she cared. "Hi Billie, are you busy? Good, I really need to talk." Van gave his reason for calling her on a Sunday. "Well, my mom called me today and she really is a pill…" he started the conversation as he got a Pepsi and Potato Chips from the kitchen and sat down to have this long overdue conversation.

You feel nothing  
Nothing at all  
Nothing at all


End file.
